NBA player Jason Collins' announcement in April that he is gay hardly makes him a "pioneer." So says Collins' former fiancée Carolyn Moos, in a first-person account in Cosmopolitan.
The two had begun dating in 2001 and were together for eight years. They were set to get married in August of 2009, but Collins called off the wedding without explanation, Moos said. She said she spent the next four years trying to figure out why.
She said she finally got her answer four years later, when Collins called her on the same day his first-person account on Sports Illustrated hit the newsstands.
"I empathize with Jason and support him," Moos said. "But at the same time, I remain deeply hurt by him. I wish he could have been honest with me years ago. I feel like there are two Jasons now-the man I fell in love with and the man I'm trying so hard to understand. He's being hailed as a pioneer, but I believe true heroism is a result of being honest with yourself and with those you love."
A former WNBA player, Moos said Collins told her she was his soul mate and she was "meant for him" when they were dating. Both being professional athletes gave them a common bond that she believed made the relationship deepen.
"We understood each other in a way that others couldn't," she said. "We pushed each other to be our best. On one visit, I remember taking a nap after a day of hard training, and he woke me up by rubbing a rose across my face, telling me how much he believed in me.
Moos said her life went into a "tailspin" after he called off their wedding in 2009.
"When I couldn't get answers from Jason on what had gone wrong, I questioned myself and what I could have done better or differently," she said. "I should have been questioning him, but I didn't think to do so at all. In the years that followed, I dated other men, I built up my business, I had a full life. But when it came to Jason, deep sadness and confusion remained."
Moos said the two talked briefly when Collins told her of his revelation, but he cut the conversation short and has not spoken to her again, leaving her still with unanswered questions.
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